"I Don't Care If You Miss"

"I don't care if you miss. You have to take the shot!" It was a timeout and my young basketball team was struggling to score. Our opponent had taken away a huge part of our offense. They were playing a tight zone denying the ball inside. When we were able to get it inside we were struggling to make a shot. I looked into the eyes of my guards and instructed them that if we were going to win this game, they had to start shooting from the outside. I explained that we weren't scoring anyway so even if they shot and missed, it wouldn't hurt us any worse. That being said, when they hit the court again, I watched as they passed up the opportunity to shoot on two open shots. From the sidelines I reiterated what I had said in our timeout, "You have to take the shot! I don't care if you miss. Just shoot the ball!"

The truth is I know my players. I know what they are capable of. I know they can drain 3 pointers. I've watched them do it all year in practice as well as in games. At the same time, I know that they can shoot some real bricks and throw up air balls. I have witnessed that all year long as well. I know that giving them permission to shoot comes with the assurance that they will miss some shots. In fact, unless something amazing happens, the truth is they will miss more than they make. So, with that in mind, I assured them I was okay with missed shots. I know and understand that permission to fail is a liberating force. When they know that failure does not carry with it the risk of them falling out of favor with their coach, parent, etc. then they can just focus on doing their best. When one knows they will find grace in moments of failure, it helps to eliminate the fear of failure. Through the years I've discovered that the fear of failure is less about not wanting to fail and more about the fear of disappointing someone. When a young person understands that one's approval of them does not hinge on their performance, they will perform from a place of freedom. That liberation empowers them to truly discover who they are and what they are capable of while actually enjoying the process.

Much like my players, I can shoot some real bricks in life. Unfortunately for much of my life I struggled with the crippling affects of perfectionism. I found myself trying to navigate through a self-imposed way of doing life that offered myself no grace for failure. Trust me when I say it is a paralyzing way to do life. I'm not completely sure how I got to this place in life, but I do have some clues. 8x7=56! I remember it well. I remember it well because in the 3rd grade I was in front of the entire class and this was the problem I was asked to solve on the chalk board. I froze. I knew this, but with all eyes on me, for some reason I couldn't come up with the answer. I felt like an idiot. Then to make matters worse my teacher belittled me in front of the entire class. Her remarks reaffirmed the thing I believed. I was convinced I was an idiot and my teacher appeared to agree. You may read this and think, "dude, get over it, that was decades ago!" I am over it, and I hold no ill feelings toward my 3rd grade teacher. I only bring it up to illustrate the power of one moment of shame. Moments like these, (I can remember several in my early elementary school days), communicate that failure is not okay. It also communicates that what defines you is how well you do what you do. When you succeed, you are king of the world but when you fail you're an idiot, moron, and utter failure. I remember in that moment vowing to myself that I will never feel like this again. And from moments like these, from a place of pain, the fear of visiting that place again became the driving force in my life. life. What does a young man do who refuses to feel the shame of failure? He determines to not fail. Perfectionism becomes his way of avoiding shame. That is exactly where I found myself. Oh, but thank God that I discovered the immeasurable gift of God's grace!

It is His grace that liberated me and released me to live the kind of life I was created to live. Like my players who shot with the confidence that it was okay to miss shots, I finally was able to live with the assurance that failing was not only certain but okay. It was the grace of God that helped me realize that my place in the family of God has nothing to do with my performance. I was extended an invitation into the family of God in spite of all of my imperfections. I learned that in those moments when I sin, fail, and come up short that I can boldly, with confidence, and without fear approach my Heavenly Father and find grace extended toward me. Jesus carried my shame, He does not pour it on me in times of failure. I do not need to fear His disapproval of me because it was at my worst that He chose to love me. My place as His child was not determined by my performance and it isn't maintained by my performance. Knowing that His acceptance of me is not determined by my performance affords me the freedom to be who I was created to be. In my life's pursuit, I am not trying to be accepted by God, I am living from the truth that I am accepted by Him. There's a huge difference between the two! I am not trying to win His favor, because I know that I already have it. A God who knows the end from the beginning, is never surprised by my failures and imperfections. He chose me and accepted me, knowing full well that while there are times when I will nail it in life, there are times when I will miss it horrendously. My birth came with the assurance that I would blow it many times over the course of my life, yet God chose to breathe into me the breath of life anyway. So, here I am on the court of life putting up shots. I'm spending my life shooting for the goal and thanking God for His grace every time I chunk up an air ball!

Getting back to basketball, it took a couple times down the court before it finally clicked for my players. The outside shots started coming. One by one, the 3-pointers and midrange jumpers started to fall. By the end of the night this group of 11-12 year olds would take home a win with 42% shooting from the 3-point line. Trust me when I say, I'll take that kind of shooting in any game, especially from this age group. While they hesitated at first, it was as if they finally realized that their coach was really okay with them missing. So, they started shooting and the shots just started falling. Scattered in with the made shots were a handful of missed ones. On this night not one of those missed shots was followed by demeaning or shaming responses from their coach. The only thing they heard was "that's okay, just keep shooting!"

I'm not sure if you can relate to my struggles with perfectionism. If so, let me assure you that freedom is available and its in this freedom that you were meant to live. Your Creator did not create you to live your life driven by the fear of failure or the shame that comes with it. Your failure does not extend beyond the reach of His grace. In times when you chunk up some ugly shots and miss it in life, what you'll discover is that with boldness and complete confidence you can approach God and find grace extended toward you. You won't hear demeaning and shaming remarks. What you'll hear is something along the lines of... "that's okay, just keep shooting!" And who knows, just maybe you'll start hitting more than you miss!

Tim is the lead pastor at Westlake Fellowship in Montgomery, Texas. If you live in the area, join us Sunday mornings at 10:30 am at 19786 Hwy 105 Suite 120 in Montgomery (beside Magnolia Diner).

For more on the topic of grace, watch the video below from the series, "Winning At What Matters Most"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3G8HOgwd0yQ

Be sure to pick up Tim's book, "Yep Even That One" available now on Amazon