The Importance Of Date Night

You said "I do", headed off for your honeymoon, and started a wonderful life together. There were a few tough adjustments along the way, but you were madly in love with one another and making those adjustments seemed like a breeze. Then came the biggest adjustment of all: CHILDREN! Sure, when they first come you hold them in your arms, make funny faces at them, and talk in that odd language we call baby talk. And you think to yourself, "How can life be any better than this?"

Then, a few weeks, months, or years into the process you realize that the life you knew prior to having children seems like a distant memory now and your life has taken on a completely new dimension. If you are like me, the quiet, relaxing evenings alone with your wife, have been replaced by evenings that are anything but quiet. The "quiet" has given way to toys and gadgets that apparently make noise or music that only a child can really appreciate. Laughter, giggling, crying, whining, jet plane noises, car crash noises, and super hero noises have all chased the silence away. The "relaxation" has been replaced by rolling in the floor with my four year old and putting each other in our patented "leg hold of death," or constantly running to rescue my toddler who seems to be preparing for a career in mountain climbing by climbing on anything and everything. Of course, I love these noisy, non-relaxing evenings with my boys. The point I'm trying to make here, is that married life before children is quite different than life with children.

Perhaps, you are a bit further along in this journey and maybe your children are older, but if you have children, I'm sure you can relate. It's no longer just you and your spouse. You have officially entered that life stage referred to as "married, with children." And it is so easy to get wrapped up in your parenting role that you let your relationship with your spouse take a back seat. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about here. You go several days, weeks or even months without spending some alone time together. I'm not talking about sex here. I'm talking about hanging out one on one with each other and connecting. Not talking about the bills that are due, or the things that need fixed around the house, or all the things that are on the calendar for this month. Just connecting. We can get so busy doing life, that we forget about doing life together.

A healthy home demands a healthy marriage. The greatest gift you can give your children is a healthy relationship with your spouse. When the marriage relationship is not a priority in the home, then things are out of balance. Yes, you are in a new season in life and things are very different. That is why you must be very intentional regarding your marriage relationship. You can get so caught up in being a great mommy or daddy that your role as husband or wife begins to suffer.

I know that my wife and I constantly have to watch that we don't fall into that trap. The thing that we have found that helps keep us on track here, is to set a night every week that is date night. Remember those nights back when you were dating? You couldn't wait to see each other. You looked forward to it. You planned them and nothing could stand in the way of them. That's the kind of tenacity you need to make them happen now. If you don't plan them, you will never be consistent with them. My wife and I try to set aside the same night every week. There are some weeks we miss it but we try to be as consistent as we can. Perhaps you can't do it the same night every week, but try to set aside some time every week to make it happen. Sit down with a calendar and plan those nights for the next few months. Line up a baby sitter and make it happen.

At first, it may be difficult to follow through with this commitment. Everything you can imagine can come up and try to get you off track. Determine to stand your ground though. Your marriage relationship should be your highest priority relationship on this planet. Apart from God, it should be number one. If that relationship struggles, everything else will be out of balance. Make a decision to spend quality, alone time with your spouse on a regular basis. Communicate and connect with one another and you'll notice things flow more smoothly for you. Even when you get hammered by things in life, you'll find that when you and your spouse are in sync, you can handle those problems much easier. Also, when Mom and Dad's relationship is healthy, it creates at atmosphere of peace and safety in the home for the children. Now, what parent doesn't want that for their children?